Howdy....

Well I have had an event filled few months here and in fact am posting this to you from hospital, after being quite Ill for 2 weeks now with a rogue infection in my kidneys. I was so sick but when the GP sent me to the hospital they kept me there for 6 hours each day and made me come back in each day without admitting me. As I haven't gotten much better I was admitted to a private hospital last night for a few days. Although I have been so sick I must admit that it has raced my weight loss goals along and I am now 3.6 kg about 7 ish pounds off my ultimate goal. Not the best wat to lose it though.

My mum is doing better on the chemotherapy, but as a few of you know I have made the hard decision not to come to Chicago in September as I felt it was the wrong time to be away from all my family and I felt very selfish spending so much money on myself with so much going on at home.

My studies are heavy and I find it so hard to catch up on blogs now but I think of you all often and haope your weight loss goals are going well. I will try and catch up on some blogs over the next few days

take care

Sally xxx

Goal

Hi Just another really quick post.....I got to goal....my initial one that is.  So I have offically lost 26.4 kg (58.08lbs).  My next goal is another 8kg (17.6lbs) away.

This goal I just reached is the one I would be happy to achieve having decided on the surgery.  So my real goal is the next one but it is very close which is exciting.

Hope you are all well....I am going through some stuff and will be back soon

Thank you....

....to eveyone for your concern about me. I am ok. I am just tired and chilling out enjoying my family and getting over my exams and assignments . Wayne is home and I am just happy to have some one to lean on. I seem to have to be the strong one for my family whilst mum is sick.... It is tiring. Thank you. I miss you

Sally xxx

Small Un Fill

Well the Dr wasn't concerned...have lost 1 kg on their scales and he gave me a small infiil of 0.25ml.  I feel a little better already.

Just in case it has been stress from everything happening here, I am going to keep my appt for next week... just in case!!!!  I don't want to be able to eat too much for the next 5 weeks.  I got a lecture on eating better but I think the tightness has led me towrds not the best choices.

Any ideas why after 7 weeks it became an issue???

Hubby home tonight!!!!

Thanks for all your support

Got an appointment...***Edited****Read after signature Ta****

I sent the clinic an email and  they want me to come in tomorrow.  I think I need a little bit out maybe just .1ml but I am so scared too....I have always had restriction but what if I can eat a bucket load again???

Also I have tests and assessments at college tomorrow but this is the only time I can go as Wayne is coming home tomorrow night and Ican't leave the kids with my mum for too long because she is really not well....arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok...Band Groupie just left a meesage saying to google globus sensation...I did and these are my symptoms....so here are some questions...please ehlp I am freaking out!!!

• Does anone know what causes it?

• Do you think I am too tight?

• Can you hear everything you eat or drink loudly going down??? (I mean people in a lift even have commented on it???)

• It sounds like reflux....what does that mean?

• Do you think it will lead to problems with the band further down the track???

Thank you I am so freaked out right now....

Advice Needed....**Edited x 2**

Thanks to everyone for all your wonderful words of congratulations and encouragement.  I really needed it and it felt great....Thanks.  You guys rock!!!

Ok...I need advice.  Help.  Ideas.  You get the gist.....

The last 2 1/2 days I have been super  tight again and after just Pbing my 1/2 cup of soup (chunky with vegies) now I am a little concerned.  I am having no pain but definately discomfort after eating...you know it just feels like it is sitting there....

Here is what I have eaten:

Sunday:
cup of tea...this gurgles down very noisily
1 egg with milk and cheese (stuck and then pbed up some of another cup of tea)
1/2 cup of soup
2 rice crackers with cheese for dinner
then I had heaps of wine and 1 packet (about 250gm) of rice cake things - I was up till 2am doing an assignment)

Monday:
cup of tea x a few
around 11.30 had some miso soup but very slowly
12.45 full milk cappacino which toook ages to drink
3 pm 1 mini protein bar, 2 cups of cup a soup & rice and cracker (3 pk)
7 pm 2 dim sims (like a big dumpling but about 1/2 the size of an ipod touch or iphone) was very uncomfortable after this
More wine...why is wine no worries????

Today
cup of tea
1/2 cup of milk with protein powder mixed in
1/2 cup of soup...pbed 1/2 and now very uncomfortable

I do usually eat better than this by the way.

I am getting parnoid about what is going on...thinking bad stuff...could I just be tight???  I am not due for my (.) till next Tuesday (Tues today) so I don't think that is it because I usually get very hungry before it then it gets tight during.)

I also have a feeling of something at the base of my throat...weird hey...almost like a sore throat but not quite...although I have been a little winter cold like without full on symptoms this week????  Any ideas are most welcome....

By the way ...have anyone's menstrual cycles changed???  Mine were spot on regular and then last month it came 5 days earlier and towards the end sort of hung on a little...nothing bad and then I got the symptoms...AFTER my (.)...like sore boobs and a heavy feeling.  However my band was spot on with the  actual (.)

Ok enough of that for my 3 male followers who I sincerely apologise for traumatising with my last comparison photos in my undies....didn't think of it until I got a comment from them.  Wonder what DH would say if he knew those were on the net...not as bad as Band Babe showing her 'china'...LOL ...not that you can see it though

Thanks for any advice you have....I want to avoid my Dr as it is a 2.5 hr round trip and with the kids sick, assignments due (yes started the other one) and tests to study for I don't really have the time.

** Work in Progress asked if I though the strange feeling in my throat could be reflux????
I would have said no going on my other experiences of reflux it sort of more feel 'stuck' at the base of my throat where the collar bones come from but on the inside....if that makes sense.  My reflux in the past has always been a burning feeling lower down in my chest.  I suppose it could be???  What does reflux with a band feel like????  Hot drinks go down easier than cold...except the wine of course!!!
Great question.....thanks

****Ok...it feels like heartburn now....what does that mean...freaking out here...I love my band!!!!

Six Months ago.....

...I got my band. Yes on the 14th December and in that time I have lost 24 kg (52.8 lbs). 

I am pretty thrilled with those results ...even though I haven't seen much movement in the last few weeks.  I now feel normal when I am out.  I get to wear nice clothes.  I feel lighter.  I have more energy.  I like myself.

What do I miss????

Eating pizza, not gurgling when I eat and drink, a big bowl of veggies and fruit.....not too bad hey???  Not deal breakers are they????

Even though I have had a really tough week...(.I finally finished my assignment ...57 pages and another 1 to go and then 2 tests....and the kids are still sick)....I feel ok in myself.  I have been eating pretty poorly and have pretty much been bouncing from my lowest  up a kg.  Not too bad...it could have been so much worse considering the things I have been eating...grain waves, magnum's, dim sims, potato gems.....comfort food for the kids.  Oh and me.  But where as before I would eat heaps....all I can manage is 1 dim sim and four potato gems...not bad hey???

The Day of Surgery 14th Dec 2009

Today 14th June 2010

My band has been super wierd yesterday and today.....I can hardly eat.  I got stuck today on tablets and water!!!  I could barely have miso soup or coffee.  I finally ate about 2.30pm...I regular bite of sushi (nori on the inside so much moister)  my bites were about 4 to equal a normal bite.  Then when we got home 2 cups of soup, a mini protein bar and tiny cheese & crackers.  I was feeling a little ill ...sort of weak???

So I am tired and not very inspirational at the moments but thought I would post some of my fav snacks that I can carry in my bag or make up in a dash.....(not Cara!!!!  LOL)

3 rice crackers and cheese...easy for the handbag or lunch!!

A great nutritious snack

Bega Cheese Stringers...they go down easy

Well Naturally...mini protein bars...about 10gms of protein

I hate this protein shake but mix it with vanilla and coffee and have it on my work days or if hungry in the morning....about 30 gm of protein

Fava Nuts...great for a snack in the handbag

Tuna and cup of soups...nice for flavour.

I really need to concentrate on my protein as I don't feel excellent this week with the bad eating. 

I am so glad I got this done.....it has changed my life for the better.....

Me today....I am wearing a dress, leggings, boots and a long cardigan.  I am having a fat day which is so funny when you look at my old fat days!!!!  When I come to Chicago I want someone to take a nice shot of me.....I hate every shot of me.  LOL

Talk soon,

Flowers...

he sent us all flowers.  Gosh he is gorgeous....the girls got flowers and a card hoping they felt better soon.  Me...Love you always...Me :)

I  miss him

Feelings....

I am crap at them.   As a child I was told not to show them...you know always put on a good face.  So even when I want to tell you guys what you mean to me and what I felt as a child...I don't say it well.  So many of you do......

Take Drazil's post Hide and Seek well I am just sitting here crying for the little girl that was ignored by her father, ridiculed by her peers and not allowed to drive because she might get murdered??? (WTF???) and her line when she says about someone holding her hand just made me cry.

I do not cry often or in front of people except my family.  I hold my feelings in check.  I YELL....I do that well.  I just had a fight with my husband who is in Amsterdam because I have to be strong...I don't feel it....the kids are sick, I am average and I have a massive assignment and he just doesn't get it.  I don't want to fight with him....I MISS him.  He did the same thing the day he left.  I want to pass my studies and put up with his 3 years on Uni and I am hurt.  I am hurt that he can't just talk to me without telling me to talk softer, without yawning, without really listening...and I close up to protect myself.

So, I am crying for all of us....for the people who hurt us as children, for the people who saw things kids should never see, for the love and acceptance we didn't get and so on....for Draz, and Lara, and Roo and Jenny and Inspiration and Zara and Joey and Jenny and .....where does it stop.  We can change it for our kids...that has to be our legacy...doesn't it????  (Sorry if I have left someone off the list...I am crying too much)

And I am crying for my mum....and a good cry feels good doesn't it.

You are all amazing

Bouncing...

Yep....I see my new low and then it dissappears again....this morning I was 2 kg (4.4 lbs) up for no good reason except that I maybe needed to do a big poo ...but come on a 2 kg poo????  Is it even possible????  Have you ever weighed one????

Frustrating.......but then I have had pretty good weight loss so why should I complain....except that I am with Draz and am over my muffin top...sure it is smaller than it was but it is still there...where....well you know ...THERE!!!!....above my waist line.

And we have this advertisement here in Australia about how a larger waist measurement can put stress on your body and lead to heart disease, type 2 diabetes, obesity etc...the Measure Up campaign suggests that a waist measurement of over 80 cm (31 1/2 ") puts you at risk and 88cm (34 1/2 ") puts you at an increased risk...this is for females.  Well after losing over 52 lbs my waist meaurement is 99 cm or (39 ")...sure I am down  20 cm (8") (and I so wish I had of taken a measurement of my area between the boobies and waist....) but 80 cm...I am still off by 20 cm to be at no risk for those diseases....weird hey???

I still have good restriction and need to vlog my gurgling because whenever I eat or drink...you can so hear it that it is embarrassing and people comment or think I have burped.  One person said to me 'better in than out'...the shame.  I can eat more than a few weeks ago but I am not eating bad...maybe I am stabilising???  Excersise has been hard due to DH travelling, rain, studying and assignments and today both my kids are really sick.

Talk about feeling about as big as a freckle.....whilst in Melbourne with my mum my youngest cried herself to sleep missing both her parents and then my eldest was sick yesterday but didn't tell anyone because both her parents were away.  I felt so bad....I was sick yesterday from who knows what but had awful motion sickness on the drive to the airport and was looking for the barf bag on the flight home...very bumpy and then all the way home in the car I had my head hanging out the window like a dog.  Made myself throw up when we got to mum's...but didn't feel great.  ( Besides all this was glad I went as mum was really not well yesterday and I could look after her...so depressing that she still has 6 months of this!!!...she looks so unwell already)

Couldn't go to sleep last night...who put the ice cubes in the bed????....it was so cold!!!  Finally drifted off at around 11.30 pm only to wake up at 3.30 am and not be able to go back to sleep....Emma was in bed with me she was on fire with a temperature.  Then Kate woke up and was crying because she wanted to throw up....so that has been our day.

Anyway...as I read all your blogs I get so excited about Chicago...it will be a blast.  WORD!!!

Hope you are all having a good day and are over the F Day....mine was yesterday!!!

Oh and how is this for a photo....my sister sent it me to put on my mum's digital photo frame (WTF??? ) that we gave her for Mothers Day.  It is of her holding her friends baby...I am not sure why mum would want that....but anyway...look who is behind her????  Yep ...me...with my quadruple chins and looking very stunning....NOT.  This was taken the day after my surgery when I went to my kid's end of year concert.  I look zonked out plus was in the boot and on crutches....gosh I have come a long way....

Ok  Bye.....

Ironing and Collarbones

Thanks for all your wonderfully supportive comments on my therapy post.  I do not feel like I put it out there in a very artistic way but I needed to say it.  I wish I wrote as beautifully as some of you....sigh...more comparing going on here....

Anyway, my mum started her 6 months of chemo today and when about a month ago she told me she needed the chemo again and that she was booked on a flight to Melbourne for our niece's graduation ceremony...she just finshed her degree in nursing.  When I heard about the chemo and this event I asked Wayne to book me on the same flight and being the most adorable man in the world (yep I am coming to Chicago!!!! so he is!!!) he did.

This is a big deal to me because :

1. I just felt I needed to be with my mum and my family
2. Wayne is Overseas and my kids would need to be minded ( which I hate to do...they love!!)
3. My cousin will reallly appreciate the family support

Well, mum started chemo today and said to me on the weekend that she would have cancelled the trip if I wasn;t coming.  I feel so great to have now made the effort to go for my cousin/ neice and for putting my very fabulous friends out (they are minding the girls for me)

So, back to the title of this post....Wayne is away and we are talking to him on Skype which is  video calling system and we are chatting away and I see my collarbones on the screen and they are there....how aweome...I always loved my collarbones....way back when I could see them.

And tonight I was catching up on the ironing and ironing some of my stuff and I just got thinking that my clothes were normal looking...you know not huge and of a normal size and I felt great knowing that tomorrow they would fit me....big change!!

Hope you are all travelling well

Therapy

I am inspired by Band Babe's most recent post (and a few glasses of wine!!!!) to share some of my therapy experiences and break throughs....by the way Band Babe if Drazil can bear her soul to the world can we at least get your name???  Or an inital???  We have seen your China..... LOL.....

Anyways...back to my post....I have done lots and lots of therapy to do with my weight loss issues or should I say more accurately my lack of weight loss and self hate issues.   Do not get me wrong...I had an excellent childhood in terms of many others...I was loved, well fed (obviously), my parents always were there for me and I never really wanted for much...typical I would say middle class and my parents are still married but I do have a few childhood traumas.  You may find it interesting to see what affected me the most:

1. Being sexually abused at about 6-8 yrs old
2. Being put on a diet at 8 yrs old
3. Moving interstate at the age of about 12 (2 terms into high school)

Well what do you think was the most traumatic in later years..........??????


It was no 2 followed by 3....does that mean no. 1 hasn't affected my life????  Of course not but for 20 odd years I thought it was a dream so I can not blame my weight issues on that alone.  Is it telling that it happened around the time of being put on a diet????   YES.....  Is it telling that it happened when my aunt and uncle had to live with us....YES  (My mum is 15 yrs older than her twin siblings and they came to live with us when my grandma was hospitalised with MS).  If I was ok with it all why would of I had a packed bag by the window in case of emergency such as fire or kidnapping.....

I often read the horror stories of some people's youth and my heart bleed's....I have suffered nothing compared to some of you...so feel no pity.  My abuse was not penetration....a neighbour had me over and I vividly remember being in his front room and having to expose myself and a few other thigns but to me this always felt like a dream.  It was only in therapy a few years back that I had the courage to bring up my so called 'dreams' and ask her what she thought???  She said that it was based on fact and not imagination...too vivid for that.  And so now I know it was true....that is something.....

After a long time in counselling and with a few breakthroughs like I was dependent on my mum and she on me...a cycle that I broke (you guys all know how much I love my mum...but she enabled some very poor behaviours on my part though).  That was hard as she and I get along very well but it was done so that I could be an adult and not the 'child' all the time.  She relied on me telling her everything and at times I could not cope with stuff without having here around.

Anway, I did 2 courses that changed my life...a communication course and an inner child course.  The communication course was done over 3 or 4 months and showed me what a low opinion I had of myself and that others viewed me much differently than I did myself.  It was a major breakthorugh. 

The other course I did was about my Inner Child...honouring what my child self wanted.  This was so interesting because we had to visit ourselves through meditation and give our child self what they needed and were not getting.  This is the course that really made me realise what being put on a diet meant to my child self.  Throughout this cousre I had some weird reactions like rebelling against everyone.  This was my teenager standing up for my 8 year old self.  I realised that being put on a diet at 8 yrs old was like being told I wasn't good enough and I had to change.  This is echoed throughout my teenage and 20 yrs when whenever I felt fat I would back out of an event feeling that people would just judge me on my looks and weight.

Think back to a young age such as 8 (I think about my 7 yr old constantly in this scenario).  You think you are great and so what and then your mother tells you you need to go on a diet.....hey????  What is wrong with the way I am says your inner self???  So you are denied foods that your slender sister can have (by the way she rubs your nose in it whenever she can) and you are only allowed diet soft drink and lollies on lolly night (Sat)

We move to Sydney and the neighbours like my sister better than me,  my grandma tells me the same thing....hmmmm perhaps I am getting a message....fat = not good enough.  If you saw me as a child you would not think I was fat...puppy fat.  By the way my mum is awesome and was only trying to save me from a childhood of teasing etc...because she suffered as an overweight teen....funny thing....look at her photos...NOT FAT EITHER!!!!

It was only about 10 years ago that I let myself buy chocolate bars and just eat them...I realised that I could!!!!  No one was controlling me and I felt like the biggest rebel and loved it.  My sister used to tease me when she had a treat and say stuff like "Nah nah na nah I have a chocolate and you don't!!!"  She and my mother don't remember this but I DO.  By being denied food it became such a forbidden thing for me.

My mum can still be controlling about food and wine...if I was in a binge mode and would ask for a second serve of something....she would give me the look....you know the one ...'do you really need that?' ...or once when I asked for a glass of wine it went like this:

Me:   Can I have another glass of wine??
Mum:  Why not have some soda??
Me:  But I would like a wine
Mum:  Have some soda (by soda I mean soda water...not soft drink)
Me:   But I feel like another wine...
Mum:  Have a soda...
Me:  Mum....I haven't had a drink in months and I feel like another wine.   Wayne can you get me a wine???
Mum:  I'll get it.

Argghhhhh....all this because I had lost over 20kg and she thoguht I shouldn't have more wine.....do you get this???  I was about 35 yrs old.  It just gets a little old doesn't it???  I mean even as an adult she still trys to let me know what is approved of and what isn't...and it used to really get me down.

So I was in all this therapy and one day I had the shits and just said to the therapist.....'what is wrong with me...it can't just be because I was put on a diet at 8?  She replied:  'Why not???'  and yes WHY NOT indeed.  I lived my whole life comparing myself to others...not thin enough, not pretty enough, not rich enough ...blah blah blah.  Nothing will change for us until we love ourselves....nothing.  My mum didn't deliberately want to make me feel bad but she will admit it was the worst thing she ever did for me putting me on a diet so young....it just me up to think I was fat...even when I thought I wasn't.  I will never put my daughter on a diet...we talk about healthy eating and exercise.  I want to be a role model.  I don't want her to have the self loathing that I had...still would have from being overweight.  Some of my self talk was disgraceful...I would look at myself and tell myself I was disgusting, such a failure, a blob....I wouldn't want to socialise and wanted to stay at home and eat.  Last year I wanted to commit suidide...I couldn't do it anymore.  I was so sick of hating and loathing myself.  I was in pain.

Having the band has helped me lose the weight but finding a new career has saved me and taught me that I am worthwhile and mean something to others.  I have value.  I am needed.  I am talking about that love of yourself that comes from being driven at something.  Sure I am a wife and mother...but surely I am more than that???  And yes I am now...a wife and mother, a vet nurse, a student, a friend, daughter, sister etc....I am finding value in me....so the years of therapy have made me realise why i hated my self and the band is the tool that means I never have to diet again.

I hope you got through that...there was a bit of rambling...sorry about that.

Today DH has left for over 2 weeks in Europe...I will miss him so much.  He is so supportive of me and loves us all so much....

I am also in the 70's today!!!  79.8 kg (175.5 lbs).  Total lost: 24.6 kg (54.12 lbs).  I am so thrilled.

Hope you are all well...it is a miserable day here...rain rain and more rain.

Have a great weekend

New low and other stuff

Thanks to everyone for their wonderful comments about my mum...I really appreciate it.   She had a catheter put in her next last week...unfortunately on her birthday....and starts chemo next Monday.  My sister just returned from a few weeks overseas and so just found out about it all yesterday.  That was really hard knowing that she was going to get that news....but I am glad she is in the picture now.

On the band front I have now lost 24kg (52.8 lbs) so that is great.  I went back to the Dr on Friday and he was thrilled with my loss this month of 3.7 kg (8.14 lbs) and my total loss so far.  He said that I have now lost over 58% of my excess body fat and would like me to get to about 73kg (160.06 lbs).  My worst weight result is just 2.4 kg away and my ultimate goal weight would be 70kg (154 lbs) so I am right on track at the moment.  I didn't get a fill and have been hungrier but still feel restriction.  I am craving weird food atm so just trying to do my best on my non diet.

I have had something similar to Roo for the last 10 days where I have a constant headache and sore throat but nothing much else.  I did stay in bed for 3 days the weekend before last due to my crippling headache but in hindsight I think I feel a bit down about mum and laying around helped in it's own weird way.  Feeling like crap is playing havoc with my exercise...none ...and my head.  I have felt really fat for the last few days even though I weigh the lowest on this journey...go figure....I just feel blah!!!!

The Memorial Day Bathing Suit Challenge has ended and many thanks to Kristen for organising this.  She is now organising a new Summer Challenge so be sure to check it out and join in the fun.  I started the Challenge at 87.6 and lost 6kg (13.2lbs) and that included my Easter binge period so I am very happy with the results.  Congrats to Joey who won the challenge...well done.

I have been busy with College and my assignments ...and I still have another 2 to do so it is not over yet.  I also have a big practical this week so it will be good to get that one over with.  My eldest daughter turned 11 last week and so she has had a ball with her new bike and heelies...you know the shoes with wheels on them...and she had a sleep over last weekend with four of her friends.  They were so well behaved and included my youngest daughter which always helps doesn't it???

I am really enjoying getting back into some of my old clothes and even bought a pair of straight leg size 12 jeans last week.  I have a huge muffin top but the legs fit great, so hopefully I can wear them soon.  I used to always be a pear shape but after my second daughter I developed a tummy issue especially above the waist.  I am hoping that this dissappears as I come into losing the last 10kg (22lbs).  It is great to be able to dress more fashionably and I am loving it.

Here are some more recent pics of me....I just don't understand why I always look fatter in the pics...anyway.....WTF???  (Check out Oscar in the first pic!!!)

Finally I just want to say congrats to Cara, Alexis and Linda who are all celebrating or about to celebrate their one year anniversary.  You are an amazing inspiration to me and I am sure many others.  Enjoy your success 

Talk soon

Welcome to my Pity Party

Yep...it's my blog and I'll cry (or scream) if I want to.....so no need to read on.

• A sales assistant today guessed my size as 14, which is correct, but it pissed me off because I thought I looked smaller and I guess I don't.  The reality is my thighs still suck, I have a double chin and back fat after losing 22kg or 50 lbs.  The pants fit but didn't look great...they are only for work but still.  I fit into a size 12 of my old jeans and it is clear that I stretched them when wearing them whilst the scales kept going up.  And these pants today were Suzanne Grae which I think run big.
• My mum has more tumours in her bones and some spots on the liver and so has to have another 6 months of chemo every week for 3 weeks, one week off, then it starts again.  Her hair has only just grown back after the 12 months of chemo she under went and yep it will go again.  She said 'fark' over 4 times so that tells you something if you knew my mum.  Breast cancer 20 years ago only to come back 3 years ago in the bones and lung and now this.  My poor mum.
• Jacquie sent me 2 issues of Southern Living about 10 days ago.  Why does this piss me off???  Because when she sent them we were all excited about our future and since then her families world has come crashing down and it shits me.  Poor Jacquie and I wish I could do something to help her.  However, it really does make me appreciate and hug my own family a little closer and be grateful for every extra day I get with my mum.
• I am sick of never feeling good enough.  I want to be supportive of you all but every time I read a blog about how supportive people are it makes me feel guilty....I want to support someone.  I get so insecure....what is wrong with me???  I had such a good day and week besides my mum's news so why do I let these things get to me???
• My band is SPASTIC.  Weeks of being really really tight, spewing Sunday arvo and night after fries and pastry yet today I can eat heaps???  I know it is probably because TOM is nearing but WTF?  Next week I will be super tight due to TOM and then I see the Dr on Friday and will probably get a small fill like last time thinking that I was eating too much before my (.) and suffer for another 3 weeks.  Or won't get one and then won't lose....and Barbara has scared me about band erosion ...so I will be asking that question!!!!  And I think I PB too much when not tight
• Hubby and I were enjoying DESSERT and then I burst into tears at the end about my mum....why then???
• Also why has my weight stagnated this week when I can barely eat and why do I have to be so tight to get the scales moving even though I barely eat anything.
• So many of you have 100 followers and have been blogging for way less than me...so why do I suck???
  
  I am probably shitty because of TOM.

Well enough of shitty old me....Don't comment because tomorrow I will probably erase this post...and what is there to say????

Thanks

Thanks for all your supportive comments on my last post...I am slowly trying to get around the blogs again....I miss you all.

I did well in my last 2 tests...topped the class and got distinctions so all good there...I am also on top of the assignments too.

Band news....still very tight but still losing.  Am down 22.8kg now which is 50 lbs down.....can't complain about that.  Some of my 14's are too big and I am loving getting dressed each day as I have a great choice of clothes again

In even more exciting news ...I saw my specialist yesterday and I can start some slow walking...15min every second day and build up to 35 mins in 3 weeks and then see him again.  This is such great news as I can finally walk the girls to school again and take Oscar for a walk.  Si life is getting there....and I am sure 22 kg down has only helped the foot situation

Gotta run...have a mammogram and then the girls netball and tonight DH and I are going to see Robin Hood and some dinner and who knows what else...wink wink wink

Talk soon

Mothers Day Vlog...

...the one I promised....I don't know why I couldn't load it.

I am sorry but I just can't keep up with the blogs atm and it just makes me feel terribly guilty when I try and then find that some of you have been struggling and I have not been there to support you...I am so sorry.

I can't see things changing anytime soon and the guilt and wanting to be part of it all is eating at me....then I think I should just give up blogging because you guys still find the time to comment or when I don't comment maybe some of you think why should you bother with me....anyway ...that's how I am feeling. Stressed, tight, assignments and family committments, ironing and exercise, Relay for Li..fe wrap up parties and where does the time go???

Anyway...this is my family...

Take Care

Sally xxx

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

22 & Vlog.....I might become addicted to them.....

I seriously can not believe it....I am down another 2 kg this week....making my total loss 22.2 kg or 48.84 lbs.  Mind you I am having a tough time of it and I suppose the weight loss is worth it.

I am super super tight.  Water gurgles through the band...if fact I just went and made myself PB and only water came up and a few tiny bits of bacon.  I had 3 tiny bites of it for Mothers Day breakfast.  Yesterday I had about 12 nuts, then later a skim cappacino, 2 rice crackers and cheese and 2 slithers of homemade pizza on lebanese bread and that came back up.  I do feel dehydrated too but I supose the wine doesn't help!!!

Happy a fantastic weekend and Mothers Day...we are taking our little tinny (boat) out on the river nearby and just pulling up on some sand and watching the girls play while we read the papers and have some nibbles (cheese and biscuits) and some champagne.  Yesterday I bought some clothes.  Lorna Jane have these fabulous Flash Dance pantsand they had a special on them 2 for $100....they are so so comfy.  Better than track pants if you ask me and more stylish too.  Anyway my old one are an XL and yesterday I got a medium....whooooo hooooo and a second pair in a pink camoflauge color to work on getting into.  I am so loving getting dressed and going out again and I am having more and more of a choice from my wardrobe.

The band has truly changed my lofe my taking food and eating out of my focus so much and now I am just enjoying my life.  Sure I still think about food and eating but it is not an obsession anymore.  I was doing a jigsaw puzzle with Kate this morning and we were singing to songs on the radio and this great song came on and as we were singing it I realised that they were singing about my life ...now.  It is a song called 'I made it' by Kevin Rudolf and others.  The lyrics that hit me were ' I used to dream of the life I am living now....I made it'  and to me that is so true...I used to dream of having kids and a husband, a job I loved and enough money to lead a good life  but I have that now and the cherry on top is I am not obsessed about my weight anymore and to me this is such a blessing and has opened my mind up to so manyother exciting things because I don't have to think about the weight and which diet I am going to go on 24/7.

Love you all

Bored...

Well I am sitting here at College bored out of my brain waiting to do my pracs. Arghhhh....I was so bored that I started listening to the water gurgle thru my band with my stethescope. I am super tight all I have had all day is half a cup of protein shake, a skim cappacino, a cheesestick and some dried chickpeas which are stuck. I am so not hungry and water is gurgling. It is so embarassing the noises. I know I am super close to needing an infill but hanging in hoping that it eases like last time. Ihave had a headache every day for 3 days too...comes in the afternoon. I hope they call my name soon...

Sally. Xxxxx

91....

OK....thanks to everyone for their beautiful messages after my Vlog.....it really meant the world that you took the time to comment.  I really put myself out there....but that is just me.

Now the thing is .....yesterday I had 92 followers and today I have 91...yep someone unfollowed me.  And the thing is I am wondering why????  Was it my voice, my hair or my tongue that tipped you dear follower over the edge....it just couldn't have been my dog....he is too cute.

Oh well....sorry I drove you away...I didn't mean to and at least you dumped me now and not after I flew all the way to Chicago because then I would have been really paranoid!!!!

Goodbye......

My First Vlog...

Well this is really hard for me to post because I hate the way I look and sound but I promised....

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

by the way when I say what to bring from the States I meant Australia....

Ps:  Sorry Roo and Sandy if you don't like my voise...you are stuck with me!!!! he he he