Yep...it's my blog and I'll cry (or scream) if I want to.....so no need to read on.
- A sales assistant today guessed my size as 14, which is correct, but it pissed me off because I thought I looked smaller and I guess I don't. The reality is my thighs still suck, I have a double chin and back fat after losing 22kg or 50 lbs. The pants fit but didn't look great...they are only for work but still. I fit into a size 12 of my old jeans and it is clear that I stretched them when wearing them whilst the scales kept going up. And these pants today were Suzanne Grae which I think run big.
- My mum has more tumours in her bones and some spots on the liver and so has to have another 6 months of chemo every week for 3 weeks, one week off, then it starts again. Her hair has only just grown back after the 12 months of chemo she under went and yep it will go again. She said 'fark' over 4 times so that tells you something if you knew my mum. Breast cancer 20 years ago only to come back 3 years ago in the bones and lung and now this. My poor mum.
- Jacquie sent me 2 issues of Southern Living about 10 days ago. Why does this piss me off??? Because when she sent them we were all excited about our future and since then her families world has come crashing down and it shits me. Poor Jacquie and I wish I could do something to help her. However, it really does make me appreciate and hug my own family a little closer and be grateful for every extra day I get with my mum.
- I am sick of never feeling good enough. I want to be supportive of you all but every time I read a blog about how supportive people are it makes me feel guilty....I want to support someone. I get so insecure....what is wrong with me??? I had such a good day and week besides my mum's news so why do I let these things get to me???
- My band is SPASTIC. Weeks of being really really tight, spewing Sunday arvo and night after fries and pastry yet today I can eat heaps??? I know it is probably because TOM is nearing but WTF? Next week I will be super tight due to TOM and then I see the Dr on Friday and will probably get a small fill like last time thinking that I was eating too much before my (.) and suffer for another 3 weeks. Or won't get one and then won't lose....and Barbara has scared me about band erosion ...so I will be asking that question!!!! And I think I PB too much when not tight
- Hubby and I were enjoying DESSERT and then I burst into tears at the end about my mum....why then???
- Also why has my weight stagnated this week when I can barely eat and why do I have to be so tight to get the scales moving even though I barely eat anything.
- So many of you have 100 followers and have been blogging for way less than me...so why do I suck???
I am probably shitty because of TOM.
Oh Sally - I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. That's just at a level of awful that is beyond words.
ReplyDeleteYou have every right to be having a terrible day.
I just want to say though that you are a support to me. I love reading your blog as you are a fellow Aussie and were banded not long before me. You give me inspiration!!
Stuff the woman at Suzanne Grae and besides I would cut off my right leg to be a size 14!!! (well almost!) I'm not sure that their sizes are all that generous try another shop and try a skirt next time. I have a theory that my pants are always a size larger than my skirts :-)
Hi Sally,
ReplyDeleteYou are so sweet...I love that you tell us all your deepest darkest fears and insecurities as we all have them and it's nice to know others feel the same!
You're very very supportive to everyone...you leave lots of lovely comments on peoples blogs, so never feel you're not appreciated.
You've got a lot of emotional stuff to deal with right now, it can't be easy what you're going through with your mum and TOM just sucks so bad for making us look on the negative side of things...I'm an absolute nightmare!
Feel better soon, I know you will...I love people who are warm and open and genuine and you seem all those things to me. {{{hugs}}}
Sally I really feel for you. I fell exactly the same at times but am never brave enough to put it in to words. I lost my mum over 5 years ago to cancer and at the time I was so caught up in caring for her and day to day living that I didnt get time to really enjoy her company. You sound like you are making the most of time with your mum and she will appreciate this too.
ReplyDeleteI wish you and yours all the best and thank you so so much for sharing x ps I must suck too I only have 52 followers lol
Oh Sally, I just love you! I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I am heartbroken for Jacquie and her family as well. I wanted to say that you *ARE* supportive! You always comment and you write when you can. I *love* seeing your posts and your comments. That is all people are talking about. You are already doing it - no worries OK?! You are an amazing woman and try not to sweat the small stuff....you have your hands full. Honestly, I can't imagine how you do all that you do!
ReplyDeleteHang in there - it's all worse right now because of TOM. Same thing happens to me. I can usually keep out the negative self-talk the rest of the month but TOM, my inner Drazil comes out!
You poor dear. I'm so sorry about your mom and my heart breaks for Jacquie too. I get the same way too, it's okay to feel bad, we are here for you. Hang in there!
ReplyDeletePity Parties are just needed sometimes! Sorry to hear about your mom and I hope things go ok on that front. Size 14 is nothing to be ashamed of!! If that saleswoman guessed my size it wouldn't be anywhere near a 14! I would love to be that! Look at your progress and how far you have come.. focus on that! You have really done an amazing job so far!
ReplyDeleteI don't have anywhere near that many followers, but I don't blog for that reason, so I guess it doesn't bother me. I doubt there are a ton of people looking at your blog and deciding not to follow you, I am sure there are other who just haven't even seen this blog yet!
Aaawwww...I'll bring the extra whine to your pity party. You have a good reason to be feeling blue. I have heard (can't say from experience) that the band can tighten up when you're stressed and you certainly have been stressed out. I don't have anywhere near 100 followers and I think you support everyone just fine. Just blogging about your experiences let newbies like me make better decisions. Chin up. It's bound to get better.
ReplyDeleteEveryone needs a chance to vent, Sally. I hope writing it all out helped you feel better. I'm so sorry about your mom, and I hope her treatments are swift and successful. As for the blogging and followers, don't give it a second thought. Your blog is great, your comments are great and you're very supportive. I'm happy to cheer you on!
ReplyDeleteOh Sally-don't delete the post. You have given us so much support that maybe it is time for us to just give you some support. It all balances out. I am so sorry about your mum and that stress is enough to keep the weight from dropping. I just want to give the whole world a hug right now. It isn't about getting 100 followers-its about the quality of the followers that you have-and we are some pretty good followers if I do say so myself.
ReplyDeleteSally -- I am SO sorry to hear about your situation with your mom. Trust me when I say I really do know what you are going through. Your emotions will be like a roller coaster and it is best to just ride them out and speak what you are feeling so I am glad that you wrote this post. It's important to get everything out every once in awhile. You have A LOT going on right now so please do not feel bad about being around on the blogs to support us -- it's our time to be supporting you right now. You should really not beat yourself up about your band right now. There are some things that are just so much more important. Don't get me wrong, you don't want to put yourself on the back burner (that's how some of us got to being so heavy in the first place -- putting ourselves last), but just really take the time to be there for your mom and for yourself.
ReplyDeleteTake care and keep posts like this coming if it helps get everything out!
I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. It's not easy to watch loved ones have to endure chemo and hairloss and any of this. That in and of itself, to me, entitles you to a daily pity party, if you want it.
ReplyDeleteMakes sense to be angry about Southern Living. Things change too quickly, sometimes and that's a remembrance of what was. And that's a great memory but it's a thing of the past which makes it sad, to me, too!
I don't know how you can not feel great about yourself. You always offer up the best comments and have an amazing blog. You are taking too much on, I think - and that's ok, but please don't lose sight of all that you are - which is a lot to many!
Eeks on the band. I am afraid of getting into a pattern of having fills too close to TOM - TOM always makes me eat, but then for two weeks after, I am so not interested in food. So I want my fills around TOM when it's wide open...and my next fill will be smack dab in the middle of my natural could care less about eating phase. Can you adjust the fill appts to work into your cycle? Never easy stuff, no matter how you cut it!
And last - and most importantly - YOU DO NOT SUCK! You are awesome!
Hang in there. Brighter days are ahead.
Your post brought tears to my eyes this morning. I know how it feels to watch your mom get sick, and sicker. I dealt with it in a completely unhealthy way by eating my way to 320+ pounds. You are entitled to handle it however you need. If crying at dessert is how you cope, that's how you cope. Try not to feel about the way you feel. I know its easier said then done, but you are well within your rights to shed some tears.
ReplyDeleteAnd you are supportive. We all go through times when we don't comment as much or post as much but that doesn't mean any of us stop caring or stop supporting.
Take time to celebrate where you are right now in this journey. It doesn't matter that the sales lady thinks you're a 14 because in a few weeks the 14s will be big.
Lots of love for you!!
Sally, don't sell yourself short - you are very very supportive! I think we tend to hold ourselves to such a high standard we can't help but feel like we are missing something important. I just want you to know that you have made a difference in my life!
ReplyDeleteI sorry to hear about your mom. My aunt had the same thing happen and she lived a full and busy life until she was 90. Hopefully this next round of Chemo will be the one to get her to where she needs to be.
As for followers - I have lost two in the last few days and am no where near 100. On a good day I think of it as a blessing b/c I can barely keep up with all the blogs out there right now. On a bad day I figure I am just boring.
I think we all need a vacation to get us out of the dumps!!
Sally - I'm so sorry about your Mom, you have every right to have a pity party. I do want to say that you are very supportive and always leave me sweet comments. If I say people are supportive, I'm totally talking about you!! I can't wait to give you a big hug in Chicago.
ReplyDeleteAlso - I'm just squeezing my butt in a US size 14 (I know Australian sizes are smaller), and I'm proud - so you should be too.
xxxxLinda
My dad just went through a round of chemo so your post really touched me. Words can't express how sorry I am that you, your mum and your family have to go through this. Please don't worry your pretty head about supporting us right now. You only have the energy to deal with so much at one time, so don't be so hard on yourself. XOXO
ReplyDeleteSally my little turkey butt....if you ever stop blogging I will come there and find you myself and make you type (ahem - and I don't FLY). I puffy heart you. Try not to compare your numbers or your blog to anyone else's - we only want YOU - the true YOU. YOU on your own are spectacular and fabulous and we'd be lost without you. There is no blog rule that says you have to comment on every blog or we'd all be screwed. POp in when you can and we'll hang on every word. Even when you can't comment I know you are with me in spirit and I appreciate that. Loves you!
ReplyDeleteSo So sorry to hear about your mum, that sucks arse and no wonder you're emotional and having band issues and not losing. Stress much!!!
ReplyDeleteIf it makes you feel better, I have been blogging for 3years and have 16 followers. So you're well ahead of me!
If you can't let all your fears and insecurities hang out on the internet, where can ya!!
Chin up, things will get better!
Em :)
i'm so sorry to hear about your Mom... I remember how stressful and emotional a time it was when my father had pancreatic cancer. During a time that traumatic, it will be hard to not let your emotions run your diet so you are doing so well coping with it all and working your goals. I wish your mother will soon be cancer-free and being herself again. Keep the faith... You are stronger than you know.
ReplyDelete*great big Canadian style HUGS*
ReplyDeleteSally, time for some support for you! I'm so sorry about your Mum and fark, this sucks that you have to face all this again. Hugs to you GF! You're always everyone's best supporter (and please know I'm still reading even if I'm not commenting always).
ReplyDeleteOh, and to your question...you're right, I'm writing a LB book, or trying to LOL (after lots of prodding). Announcement was here:
http://bandgroupiethesweetspot.blogspot.com/2010/04/4910-please-read.html
I'm number 98 follower.....
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about your Mum....
Don't feel guilty about having a bad time of it, things aren't suppose to be perfect all the time.
Big hugs from New Zealand.
Sally,
ReplyDeleteThank you SO MUCH for your comments and support.. hugs to you..
Hi Sally! What have you been up to? I miss you!
ReplyDeleteHey just read your post on my blog! My goal bag is gucci
ReplyDeleteI hope things are going better for you now. So sorry to hear about your mom... maybe now is OUR time to support you, and you don't need to worry so much because we all know how supportive you are at heart. No worries about that, ok?
ReplyDelete