New low and other stuff

Thanks to everyone for their wonderful comments about my mum...I really appreciate it.   She had a catheter put in her next last week...unfortunately on her birthday....and starts chemo next Monday.  My sister just returned from a few weeks overseas and so just found out about it all yesterday.  That was really hard knowing that she was going to get that news....but I am glad she is in the picture now.

On the band front I have now lost 24kg (52.8 lbs) so that is great.  I went back to the Dr on Friday and he was thrilled with my loss this month of 3.7 kg (8.14 lbs) and my total loss so far.  He said that I have now lost over 58% of my excess body fat and would like me to get to about 73kg (160.06 lbs).  My worst weight result is just 2.4 kg away and my ultimate goal weight would be 70kg (154 lbs) so I am right on track at the moment.  I didn't get a fill and have been hungrier but still feel restriction.  I am craving weird food atm so just trying to do my best on my non diet.

I have had something similar to Roo for the last 10 days where I have a constant headache and sore throat but nothing much else.  I did stay in bed for 3 days the weekend before last due to my crippling headache but in hindsight I think I feel a bit down about mum and laying around helped in it's own weird way.  Feeling like crap is playing havoc with my exercise...none ...and my head.  I have felt really fat for the last few days even though I weigh the lowest on this journey...go figure....I just feel blah!!!!

The Memorial Day Bathing Suit Challenge has ended and many thanks to Kristen for organising this.  She is now organising a new Summer Challenge so be sure to check it out and join in the fun.  I started the Challenge at 87.6 and lost 6kg (13.2lbs) and that included my Easter binge period so I am very happy with the results.  Congrats to Joey who won the challenge...well done.

I have been busy with College and my assignments ...and I still have another 2 to do so it is not over yet.  I also have a big practical this week so it will be good to get that one over with.  My eldest daughter turned 11 last week and so she has had a ball with her new bike and heelies...you know the shoes with wheels on them...and she had a sleep over last weekend with four of her friends.  They were so well behaved and included my youngest daughter which always helps doesn't it???

I am really enjoying getting back into some of my old clothes and even bought a pair of straight leg size 12 jeans last week.  I have a huge muffin top but the legs fit great, so hopefully I can wear them soon.  I used to always be a pear shape but after my second daughter I developed a tummy issue especially above the waist.  I am hoping that this dissappears as I come into losing the last 10kg (22lbs).  It is great to be able to dress more fashionably and I am loving it.

Here are some more recent pics of me....I just don't understand why I always look fatter in the pics...anyway.....WTF???  (Check out Oscar in the first pic!!!)

Finally I just want to say congrats to Cara, Alexis and Linda who are all celebrating or about to celebrate their one year anniversary.  You are an amazing inspiration to me and I am sure many others.  Enjoy your success 

Talk soon

Welcome to my Pity Party

Yep...it's my blog and I'll cry (or scream) if I want to.....so no need to read on.

• A sales assistant today guessed my size as 14, which is correct, but it pissed me off because I thought I looked smaller and I guess I don't.  The reality is my thighs still suck, I have a double chin and back fat after losing 22kg or 50 lbs.  The pants fit but didn't look great...they are only for work but still.  I fit into a size 12 of my old jeans and it is clear that I stretched them when wearing them whilst the scales kept going up.  And these pants today were Suzanne Grae which I think run big.
• My mum has more tumours in her bones and some spots on the liver and so has to have another 6 months of chemo every week for 3 weeks, one week off, then it starts again.  Her hair has only just grown back after the 12 months of chemo she under went and yep it will go again.  She said 'fark' over 4 times so that tells you something if you knew my mum.  Breast cancer 20 years ago only to come back 3 years ago in the bones and lung and now this.  My poor mum.
• Jacquie sent me 2 issues of Southern Living about 10 days ago.  Why does this piss me off???  Because when she sent them we were all excited about our future and since then her families world has come crashing down and it shits me.  Poor Jacquie and I wish I could do something to help her.  However, it really does make me appreciate and hug my own family a little closer and be grateful for every extra day I get with my mum.
• I am sick of never feeling good enough.  I want to be supportive of you all but every time I read a blog about how supportive people are it makes me feel guilty....I want to support someone.  I get so insecure....what is wrong with me???  I had such a good day and week besides my mum's news so why do I let these things get to me???
• My band is SPASTIC.  Weeks of being really really tight, spewing Sunday arvo and night after fries and pastry yet today I can eat heaps???  I know it is probably because TOM is nearing but WTF?  Next week I will be super tight due to TOM and then I see the Dr on Friday and will probably get a small fill like last time thinking that I was eating too much before my (.) and suffer for another 3 weeks.  Or won't get one and then won't lose....and Barbara has scared me about band erosion ...so I will be asking that question!!!!  And I think I PB too much when not tight
• Hubby and I were enjoying DESSERT and then I burst into tears at the end about my mum....why then???
• Also why has my weight stagnated this week when I can barely eat and why do I have to be so tight to get the scales moving even though I barely eat anything.
• So many of you have 100 followers and have been blogging for way less than me...so why do I suck???
  
  I am probably shitty because of TOM.

Well enough of shitty old me....Don't comment because tomorrow I will probably erase this post...and what is there to say????

Thanks

Thanks for all your supportive comments on my last post...I am slowly trying to get around the blogs again....I miss you all.

I did well in my last 2 tests...topped the class and got distinctions so all good there...I am also on top of the assignments too.

Band news....still very tight but still losing.  Am down 22.8kg now which is 50 lbs down.....can't complain about that.  Some of my 14's are too big and I am loving getting dressed each day as I have a great choice of clothes again

In even more exciting news ...I saw my specialist yesterday and I can start some slow walking...15min every second day and build up to 35 mins in 3 weeks and then see him again.  This is such great news as I can finally walk the girls to school again and take Oscar for a walk.  Si life is getting there....and I am sure 22 kg down has only helped the foot situation

Gotta run...have a mammogram and then the girls netball and tonight DH and I are going to see Robin Hood and some dinner and who knows what else...wink wink wink

Talk soon

Mothers Day Vlog...

...the one I promised....I don't know why I couldn't load it.

I am sorry but I just can't keep up with the blogs atm and it just makes me feel terribly guilty when I try and then find that some of you have been struggling and I have not been there to support you...I am so sorry.

I can't see things changing anytime soon and the guilt and wanting to be part of it all is eating at me....then I think I should just give up blogging because you guys still find the time to comment or when I don't comment maybe some of you think why should you bother with me....anyway ...that's how I am feeling. Stressed, tight, assignments and family committments, ironing and exercise, Relay for Li..fe wrap up parties and where does the time go???

Anyway...this is my family...

Take Care

Sally xxx

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

22 & Vlog.....I might become addicted to them.....

I seriously can not believe it....I am down another 2 kg this week....making my total loss 22.2 kg or 48.84 lbs.  Mind you I am having a tough time of it and I suppose the weight loss is worth it.

I am super super tight.  Water gurgles through the band...if fact I just went and made myself PB and only water came up and a few tiny bits of bacon.  I had 3 tiny bites of it for Mothers Day breakfast.  Yesterday I had about 12 nuts, then later a skim cappacino, 2 rice crackers and cheese and 2 slithers of homemade pizza on lebanese bread and that came back up.  I do feel dehydrated too but I supose the wine doesn't help!!!

Happy a fantastic weekend and Mothers Day...we are taking our little tinny (boat) out on the river nearby and just pulling up on some sand and watching the girls play while we read the papers and have some nibbles (cheese and biscuits) and some champagne.  Yesterday I bought some clothes.  Lorna Jane have these fabulous Flash Dance pantsand they had a special on them 2 for $100....they are so so comfy.  Better than track pants if you ask me and more stylish too.  Anyway my old one are an XL and yesterday I got a medium....whooooo hooooo and a second pair in a pink camoflauge color to work on getting into.  I am so loving getting dressed and going out again and I am having more and more of a choice from my wardrobe.

The band has truly changed my lofe my taking food and eating out of my focus so much and now I am just enjoying my life.  Sure I still think about food and eating but it is not an obsession anymore.  I was doing a jigsaw puzzle with Kate this morning and we were singing to songs on the radio and this great song came on and as we were singing it I realised that they were singing about my life ...now.  It is a song called 'I made it' by Kevin Rudolf and others.  The lyrics that hit me were ' I used to dream of the life I am living now....I made it'  and to me that is so true...I used to dream of having kids and a husband, a job I loved and enough money to lead a good life  but I have that now and the cherry on top is I am not obsessed about my weight anymore and to me this is such a blessing and has opened my mind up to so manyother exciting things because I don't have to think about the weight and which diet I am going to go on 24/7.

Love you all

Bored...

Well I am sitting here at College bored out of my brain waiting to do my pracs. Arghhhh....I was so bored that I started listening to the water gurgle thru my band with my stethescope. I am super tight all I have had all day is half a cup of protein shake, a skim cappacino, a cheesestick and some dried chickpeas which are stuck. I am so not hungry and water is gurgling. It is so embarassing the noises. I know I am super close to needing an infill but hanging in hoping that it eases like last time. Ihave had a headache every day for 3 days too...comes in the afternoon. I hope they call my name soon...

Sally. Xxxxx

91....

OK....thanks to everyone for their beautiful messages after my Vlog.....it really meant the world that you took the time to comment.  I really put myself out there....but that is just me.

Now the thing is .....yesterday I had 92 followers and today I have 91...yep someone unfollowed me.  And the thing is I am wondering why????  Was it my voice, my hair or my tongue that tipped you dear follower over the edge....it just couldn't have been my dog....he is too cute.

Oh well....sorry I drove you away...I didn't mean to and at least you dumped me now and not after I flew all the way to Chicago because then I would have been really paranoid!!!!

Goodbye......