Well I was going to write a post about my four month band anniversary and my results for Gen ( I haven't caught up yet on that post as I am back reading some blogs....it seems a lot happened in the week I was not blogging....) but I am feeling really upset about something that happened at my place last night and feel the need to vent about that more than anything.
Just a little bit of background ...if you are still here.....I was pudgy when I was little and my sister wasn't. My mother put me on a diet when I was 8 and in that simple little act (plus lots of other stuff tied into that which I will blog about one day) my fate was kinda sealed. I learnt that I wasn't acceptable how I was and that weight was an issue that seemed to matter. On top of that my sister used to say things like "I've got a chocolate and you can't have one!!!"(said in a sing-song voice too) and really kind stuff like that. We actually have a very up and down relationship and are better now that we have kids but then this brings me to the next issue.
Our children are very different. I try to teach mine respect...of others and their belongings etc. My kids have boundries and I would pretty much say (biased I know) that they are not tough kids to be around. Sure they fight and can be naughty etc but they can also chill and be well behaved too. My sisters kids....well I stress when they come over because they can be so over active and out of control and they have ruined many a thing at our place. I love them but they are hard work. It is funny because on our recent trip to Melbourne I was talking to a family friend and we were actually talking about our kids and our dogs and how my sisters dog was all hyper too and the friend commented (she has great insight unlike me) that my sisters kids and dog were highly strung...she said this in a nice way but it is so true.
OK. Now my youngest daughter who is 7 is overweight....I can't sugar coat it. She is and it breaks my heart. I was an overweight child and I would do anything....anything....for her not to have the same experiences as me. But besides love her for who she is, not make an issue of it and teach her healthy eating habits etc.....I cannot change her or her shape or what people will say to her. She has already commented on her big tummy and why is hers so big??? She has a few allergies and is a really healthy eater....I seriously mean this. She loves a tuna salad for lunch and will eat whatever I cook. She eats broccoli, brussel sprouts, salmon, thai, salads, sushi, dumplings ...I am trying to give you the idea that she eats healthy. She also loves food. She loves to cook and has a great sense of smell and taste. She loves to experiment and it would not surprise me at all if she becomes a chef. She is also a little obsessed with food too.....no doubt. No doubt at all.
Anyway back to last night. I was minding my sisters kids and of course they are tiny....very thin too. My sister ended up being bigger than me until I packed on the weight and she became a gym junkie...now she is obsessed with training and toning up and much slimmer than me...of course. Well the kids were all playing and my youngest comes in crying saying that her cousin grabbed her stomach, squished it around and then laughed...and not in a good way. Well I just saw red!!!!! I went out and just eye balled her and waited for her to say something....let me just say it is NOT the FIRST time this has happened....in fact both her kids laugh at Kate when she is in the bath because of her boobies....you know not real boobies but fat boobies. It got to the point where she didn't want to go over because of it. So I made my neice say sorry but she wasn't really. She kept crying and i asked her what she was crying about and she said ' Because I was having fun till Kate dobbed and now I am not having fun!!!!' No remorse at all for what Kate is crying her eyes out about.. None at all. Just sad that the fun was ruined.
I emailed my sister and asked that she now deal with it because it has been going on for a while and her response was so mild that I am even more furious. My hubby was furious too and I don't know where to go from here. My other neice also said something about Kate's tummy prior to this happening. It is to the point that I don't want the kids to be around Kate if this is what they are saying to her....and with no consequences.
Am I over reacting???? Is it because weight is an issue for me???? Or is it about time that her kids had some consequences for their actions????
To top it off....yes this is the second bummed bit.....but I have put on 2 kgs (4.4lbs) How is that even remotely possible when I barely eat anymore???? Seriously????? My legs have been playing up now that I am out of the boot and we were on our way out to lunch with my mother and my sister. My leg was killing me. My mother said to take 2 nurofen (ibuprofen) and so I did. They were some new fast acting ones and I thought that the coffee I had would be enough to line my stomach....wrong!!!! As we were driving to the restaurant ...I felt nauseous and then my throat started seriously burning...and felt like it was closing off. As we were going out to Lebanese for lunch I had not eaten much except a protein shake for breakfast and a cappacino after my deep water class that morning as I haven't really eaten around my family much and with the birthday lunch this Sunday ...I wanted to try and eat a bit so they would not notice. Lots of others are making comment on how little I eat. Well the burning continued and I thought it must be heartburn...which totally freaked me out because that is a sign your are too tight...isn't it???
So I eat a tiny mouthful of chicken, a spoon of tabouli and some falfael...about 1/4 and then into the loo to throw up. I ate a few spoons of dip and the burning kept going so I stopped eating. My mum and I got a coffee on the way home and it was then that I saw the Nurofen in my bag and realised that they were probably the cause as I really didn't take them on a full stomach. Anyway...besides a protein shake....I couldn't eat for the rest of the day....and then I had a wine and that burnt so I had a gin & tonic and ended up smashed because I was so hungry.
Yesterday I ate the following:
7.30 am Protein shake
9.30am Banana
10am cappacino and 1 biscuit
11.30am some corn chips maybe 30 gms (1oz)
1pm 6 tiny pieces of popcorn chicken from KFC ( pb'ed about 1/4 of it
2.30pm 1 corn thin with tuna and cheese
4.30pm the other one I made but could not eat at 2.30 pm
7.30 pm 1/2 cup of homemade spahettit sauce with vegies.....could have stopped at 1/4 cup but wanted the protein and vegies....I miss my vegies so much
This is the most I have eaten in weeks and I never eat shit like the biscuit or corn chips or KFC....hardly ever. I just don't like it but I was so hungry yesterday as I ate nada the day before. I also get stuck really easily so what gives????
I hate my band at times like this....and the scales too......this month it seems that I haven't really had great results....but I suppose all the chocolate from Easter doesn't help either.
Anyway...I don't suppose at this rate that I will be making my goal of 20kg down by my birthday on Monday either. I know the weight is not fat but what is it???? Arghhhhh......
I have a big weekend of eating out for birthday celebrations but come Monday I will be pulling my head in big time.
If you are still here....thanks for listening
Sallyxxx
from my Dr today. He said that I was doing really well and had lost over 3 kg in the last month. I was surprised to see that number but will take it...who wouldn't??? He said they had me down to lose 24 kg in the first year but he said at this rate I would kill that. So that was nice wasn't it??? I also got a small fill of 0.5ml as I have been getting hungrier...I can definately feel the extra restriction. I can honestly say that without all of your support and guidance...I doubt whether I would have had such great results...thank you!!!!
from my Dr today. He said that I was doing really well and had lost over 3 kg in the last month. I was surprised to see that number but will take it...who wouldn't??? He said they had me down to lose 24 kg in the first year but he said at this rate I would kill that. So that was nice wasn't it??? I also got a small fill of 0.5ml as I have been getting hungrier...I can definately feel the extra restriction. I can honestly say that without all of your support and guidance...I doubt whether I would have had such great results...thank you!!!!
