Bummed x 2

Well I was going to write a post about my four month band anniversary and my results for Gen ( I haven't caught up yet on that post as I am back reading some blogs....it seems a lot happened in the week I was not blogging....) but I am feeling really upset about something that happened at my place last night and feel the need to vent about that more than anything.

Just a little bit of background ...if you are still here.....I was pudgy when I was little and my sister wasn't.  My mother put me on a diet when I was 8 and in that simple little act (plus lots of other stuff tied into that which I will blog about one day) my fate was kinda sealed. I learnt that I wasn't acceptable how I was and that weight was an issue that seemed to matter.  On top of that my sister used to say things like "I've got a chocolate and you can't have one!!!"(said in a sing-song voice too) and really kind stuff like that.  We actually have a very up and down relationship and are better now that we have kids but then this brings me to the next issue.

Our children are very different.  I try to teach mine respect...of others and their belongings etc.  My kids have boundries and I would pretty much say (biased I know) that they are not tough kids to be around.  Sure they fight and can be naughty etc but they can also chill and be well behaved too.  My sisters kids....well I stress when they come over because they can be so over active and out of control and they have ruined many a thing at our place.  I love them but they are hard work.  It is funny because on our recent trip to Melbourne I was talking to a family friend and we were actually talking about our kids and our dogs and how my sisters dog was all hyper too and the friend commented (she has great insight unlike me) that my sisters kids and dog were highly strung...she said this in a nice way but it is so true.

OK.  Now my youngest daughter who is 7 is overweight....I can't sugar coat it.  She is and it breaks my heart.  I was an overweight child and I would do anything....anything....for her not to have the same experiences as me.  But besides love her for who she is, not make an issue of it and teach her healthy eating habits etc.....I cannot change her or her shape or what people will say to her.  She has already commented on her big tummy and why is hers so big???  She has a few allergies and is a really healthy eater....I seriously mean this.  She loves a tuna salad for lunch and will eat whatever I cook.  She eats broccoli, brussel sprouts, salmon, thai, salads, sushi, dumplings ...I am trying to give you the idea that she eats healthy.  She also loves food.  She loves to cook and has a great sense of smell and taste.  She loves to experiment and it would not surprise me at all if she becomes a chef.  She is also a little obsessed with food too.....no doubt.  No doubt at all.

Anyway back to last night.  I was minding my sisters kids and of course they are tiny....very thin too.  My sister ended up being bigger than me until I packed on the weight and she became a gym junkie...now she is obsessed with training and toning up and much slimmer than me...of course.  Well the kids were all playing and my youngest comes in crying saying that her cousin grabbed her stomach, squished it around and then laughed...and not in a good way.  Well I just saw red!!!!!  I went out and just eye balled her and waited for her to say something....let me just say it is NOT the FIRST time this has happened....in fact both her kids laugh at Kate when she is in the bath because of her boobies....you know not real boobies but fat boobies.  It got to the point where she didn't want to go over because of it.  So I made my neice say sorry but she wasn't really.  She kept crying and i asked her what she was crying about and she said ' Because I was having fun till Kate dobbed and now I am not having fun!!!!' No remorse at all for what Kate is crying her eyes out about..   None at all.  Just sad that the fun was ruined.

I emailed my sister and asked that she now deal with it because it has been going on for a while and her response was so mild that I am even more furious.  My hubby was furious too and I don't know where to go from here.  My other neice also said something about Kate's tummy prior to this happening.   It is to the point that I don't want the kids to be around Kate if this is what they are saying to her....and with no consequences. 

Am I over reacting????  Is it because weight is an issue for me????  Or is it about time that her kids had some consequences for their actions????

To top it off....yes this is the second bummed bit.....but I have put on 2 kgs (4.4lbs)  How is that even remotely possible when I barely eat anymore????  Seriously?????  My legs have been playing up now that I am out of the boot and we were on our way out to lunch with my mother and my sister.  My leg was killing me.  My mother said to take 2 nurofen (ibuprofen) and so I did.  They were some new fast acting ones and I thought that the coffee I had would be enough to line my stomach....wrong!!!!  As we were driving to the restaurant ...I felt nauseous and then my throat started seriously burning...and felt like it was closing off.  As we were going out to Lebanese for lunch I had not eaten much except a protein shake for breakfast and a cappacino after my deep water class that morning as I haven't really eaten around my family much and with the birthday lunch this Sunday ...I wanted to try and eat a bit so they would not notice.  Lots of others are making comment on how little I eat.  Well the burning continued and I thought it must be heartburn...which totally freaked me out because that is a sign your are too tight...isn't it???

So I eat a tiny mouthful of chicken, a spoon of tabouli and some falfael...about 1/4 and then into the loo to throw up.  I ate a few spoons of dip and the burning kept going so I stopped eating.  My mum and I got a coffee on the way home and it was then that I saw the Nurofen in  my bag and realised that they were probably the cause as I really didn't take them on a full stomach.   Anyway...besides a protein shake....I couldn't eat for the rest of the day....and then I had a wine and that burnt so I had a gin & tonic and ended up smashed because I was so hungry.

Yesterday I ate the following:

7.30 am Protein shake
9.30am Banana
10am cappacino and 1 biscuit
11.30am some corn chips maybe 30 gms (1oz)
1pm 6 tiny pieces of popcorn chicken from KFC ( pb'ed about 1/4 of it
2.30pm 1 corn thin with tuna and cheese
4.30pm the other one I made but could not eat at 2.30 pm
7.30 pm 1/2 cup of homemade spahettit sauce with vegies.....could have stopped at 1/4 cup but wanted the protein and vegies....I miss my vegies so much

This is the most I have eaten in weeks and I never eat shit like the biscuit or corn chips or KFC....hardly ever.  I just don't like it but I was so hungry yesterday as I ate nada the day before. I also get stuck really easily so what gives????

I hate my band at times like this....and the scales too......this month it seems that I haven't really had great results....but I suppose all the chocolate from Easter doesn't help either.

Anyway...I don't suppose at this rate that I will be making my goal of 20kg down by my birthday on Monday either.  I know the weight is not fat but what is it????  Arghhhhh......

I have a big weekend of eating out for birthday celebrations but come Monday I will be pulling my head in big time.

If you are still here....thanks for listening

Sallyxxx

I am back!!!!

Well I am back from our little break in Melbourne with the relatives.  I came home and weighed in  on Monday morning and was down 0.4kg (.88lbs) for the week.  I was really happy with that as I had quite a few wines, indulged in a tiny bit of slice and at times some chips.  On one lunch with my cousin I was shocked at the bit of vegie lasagne I maaged to eat but the worry was ubfounded as once again I am on small portions and had 2 PB's down there and one last night after 1/2 a taco.  So I definately still have restriction.

It was so nice to be a size 14 and know that my clothes would fit and look good too...my aunty noticed the weight loss and I also got a few new accessroies and a cardigan.  I am going through the clothes sizes pretty quick so am being careful with what I buy now.

I can't wait to start catching up on the blogs but as I have to run to work it will alas ...have to wait.

Hope you are all well

Talk soon

Sally xxx

Another 0.2kg down...

...(0.44lb)...I am not sure why after all the chocolate and wine I have eaten but i of course I will take it.  18.6kg down (40.92lbs) and on my way to my 20kg down when i will treat myself to a facial and will do a Vlog.  I am also into size 14's in most of my stuff...who knew???  It is the best feeling.

Well we are off to Melbourne this morning to visit my aunt and cousins and will be back on Sunday.  I should be able to keep up with all the news down there.  How great to be wearing some of my old clothes.  I am worried that they will notice how little I eat but will deal with that as it comes.

To Nicole...I am happy to send you my old clothes....can you email me at:  sallyd21@optusnet.com.au.  I want to delete the email as soon as I have your address.  You were banded 3 days after me and I would love to follow your blog....can I join???

Please support Alexis at The Swenson Family...she needs 5 more followers to get to 100.....

Take care and talk soon

Sally xxx

The Swenson Family

Wellif you dont' curently follow Alexis and her very inspiring band journey now is the time to join.....besides having a wonderful first name (also the name of my own very BFF) she is aiming for 100 foloowers for her 100 lbs...join now....you won't be disappointed

Weight Loss, Awards, Easter Sunday and more for the Sisterhood

Ok...just to warn you that this will be a long post but I have to re-do my awards post from yesterday as well as add some other stuff.  If you are after the Sisterhood please go to the end.  Also look for the fantastic jewellery organisation further along.....I will do Sub Headers to make it easier to get through.

Weight Loss & Weekday Dish

Well I woke up this morning to another .6kg (1.32lbs) loss making my total for the week 1.6 kg (3.52lbs).  I am super happy with this and the way I whizzed through the 86's.....I am now 86kg exactly and have lost 18.4kg (40.48lbs) so another milestone if I was American but I am heading for the 20kg down mark.

What I ate yesterday....this is a great idea I have enjoyed on other blogs....

8.30am 1/2 a protein shake
11am Small skim cappacino
1.45pm small Sumo salad...Tandoori chicken....only ate 1/2 so about 1/2 cup
5pm  4 strawberries and a dollop of Jalna yogurt
7.30 -8pm....1/4 of a lebanese pizza (homemade by DH)
a few wines

This is probably the most I have eaten all week well at least since Tuesday.....

Awards

I was really flattered to have recieved a few awards this week and apologise for my delay in posting mine and for saying thanks....thanks so much...I can't believe anyone finds my posts interesting and I so value you all.....so here goes

Well my first Award...the Sunshine Award comes from the rivetting Drazil who keeps us entertained with her weight loss and work life.  This was given for supportive commenting.  I always do try to comment because it means so much when someone makes a comment on my blog.

I award this to all my commenters out there who get me through the tough times and who also share in my success.  Take a bow...thank you.

The second award came from Jen who has done amazingly with the band and I just feel a special connection with.  I wish I could live near her and have a coffee and a chat.  Thanks Jen.  I also found out today that Roo also nomiated me for this award.  I love Roo!!!  She is an Aussie living in Dubai sho is doing so well with the band despite several setbacks.  I know I will get to meet Roo one day as her family do not live far from where I live and she is moving back someday soon...lucky me.  Thanks Roo.

I was going to skip my nominees because this award has been going around for over a week but now that I got it again...perhaps I should....let me know if you get through this post if you want my nominees.

 

This was a cheery little award that I got from Julie .  I have only recently found Julie's blog but am enjoying it alot so was very surprised to see my name on her list...Thank you so much Julie.

Here are the rules:

1. When you have received this award you must thank the person that awarded you the award in a new post.

2. Name 10 things that make you happy.

3. Pass this award on to 10 bloggers & inform them.

10 things that make me Happy

1. My family including our dog Oscar.  We are a team I and I love them with all my heart
2. All my Blogging friends who help me through this journey.
3. Walking in the Rain
4. Watching the scales go down and knowing they won't be going up again
5. My friends.....
6. The Beach
7. Holidays
8. Giving someone a compliment
9. Knowing that my family loves me
10. Helping others in need

I have decided to pass this award onto some people who could use some cheering up...or who are doing so well despite adversity

1. Jen - who is super tight at the moment and dissapointed at not making one of her goals.  Love you
2. Nene - who is having a crap Easter...love you toooooooooo
3. Roo - who continues to inspire no matter what the obstacle...you guessed it...love u
4. Sandy - who has had a few setbacks on her journey....I feel like we are very similar...and guess what???  Love you 2
5. Julie - whose finace's gran just passed away.  Love you 3
6. Kim - who is having foot surgery next week...best of luck....and ...love you
7. Band Groupie - who still makes us laugh even when she is becoming addicted to pain killers!!!!  We all love you
8. Lori - whose insurance company is giving her a hard time...arghhhhh....love u
9. Andrew -   who deserves it for putting up with allour TOM talk and tummy shots...hmm hubby might kill me...so all us girls love u
10. Nikki - who is rocking the band despite missing her army hubby and finally...we love you too

Easter Sunday

Look at what DH and I made today.....

This one is is DD1's room

And this is in DD2's room....

Yes they are pinboards covered in material......and here is mine......

Isn't it beautiful????

Did I tell you I love costume jewellery?????

Well I do...and we made this calico covered board to hang some of my heavier bits of jewellery and hung it in my wardrobe.....I love it!!!  Thanks hon....I know you appreciate my addictions...don't get me started on handbags.....

And after that I spring...yes I know it is Autumn..... cleaned my closet

This is stuff for storage...until it fits

And this is stuff to throw out...I will give it to charity

I also did the girls rooms and cupboards down stairs and there are about 10 garbage bags to go to the tip plus another 2 of kids clothes for friends.  I love a good tidy up...it is so satisfying isn't it and also getting rid of lots of clothes that I didn't like too.

Sisterhood

So obviously I have some stuff for the Sisterhood.  Here goes:

This top is from Suzanne Grae and is a sizeXL.  It gethers nicely around the hips and hides a big belly!!!  This is in a watermelon colour

And this is the same in blue

This is a size 16 Crossroads tie top which look nice over a singlet or t-shirt

This is a linen shirt in a size 18 from Suzanne Grae.  The sleeves roll up with a button tie to hold them up if you like

And now for some jewellery.....

I have never worn either of these necklaces...the first is a silver ball which sits right at my bust so I don't love it and the second is a little beaded necklace in brown with two dangles at the end.  It was a gift and is just not my style

These are shell necklaces that I have plenty of....both sit nice in the base of your neckline and might jazz up an outfit while you go for goal

Let me know if you would like anything....

Thanks for sticking around...if you have

Happy Easter...I have not had a choccie today......don't feel like it ...whoo hooo

Sallyxxxx

Thank you, Boo Hoo and BYOC

OMg...I just posted the longest post including 3 awards and all the links and it has gone...yes pfft into thin air......arghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok...I will have to type all the awards agin....But not now...sorry.  Thanks for them I really am in awe.

Thanks for all your support on my last whingeing post...I am ok now and being down .6 (1.32lbs ) on the scale doesn't hurt either.....but emotionally I am seriously better...thanks for your care ....

I am going to anmswer Drazil's BYOC because she included my question in there and I have enjoyed reading all your answers...so thanks Drazil....here goes

1. If you could be a Superhero (like Gilly) - what would you be called or what would your powers be? (


This was a tough one for me but I think I would be Super Sally Mind Reading Hero...I would just love to know what people are REALLY THINKING!!!

2. Name one physical thing you love about you and one mental thing you love about you.

I do love that I can talk to anyone and make people feel comfortable because of this.....well I like to think of it this way .....


3. If you stood in front of God (or whatever Supreme Being you may believe in) - what question would you ask him?

I am going to keep this light and go with my first thoughts I had when I was a child and still trouble me now...so perhaps not that light hey???  I would like to get some answers to all those unsolved dissapearances  and crimes in the world....like the students from Picnic at Hanging Rock, the Beaumnt children from SA, the Peter Falconio or Madeline Mc Cann cases and what really happened to Azaria Chamberlain.....????

4 Besides yourself - who was/is your biggest enabler in your weight loss journey?

Well me and the way I let other people make me feel and perhaps my mother who put me on a diet at 8 and made me feel  that I wn't ok how I was.....


5. What do you do for a living (This was my question.....)

Thanks to evryone who answered this...I am a vet nurse and studying for my qualification



6. Whose blog hit home for you this week or whose blog made you think the most this week?

The two that hit home for me this week was Gen and her "how little can we eat post???  and Amanda and her thoughts on family and weight gai, eating etc.  Thank you both for these insightful and thought provoking posts

Have a Hppy Easter and if you find my lost post...let me know...arghhhhhhhh

Sally xxx

Off Track, Guilt and obviously no movement on the Scales

It all started with this Lindt Gold Bunny....a weakness over many a past Easter.  It seems I can resist normal chocolate but not Easter chocolate.  Why is their so much joy in tearing off the ears and enjoying the different levels of thickness as you chow down on them????  And then the base is another favourite of mine too.  Over the years I have eaten many and many an Easter stash and replaced it and eaten it and so on and so on......I thought this year would be different.....and I have been sadly dissappointed.

Hubby and the kids bought the Easter gifts this year and then hubby flew out to New Zealand for work, the same day, a Sunday which is always a little sadder because we don't get Sunday night together.  Now when the girls are asleep the old habits creep in....and this is where I think wine is my downfall...as it weakens my resolve.  I decided to eat the Lindt gold bunny and boy it was yum...not so bad some of you might be saying but then I go and get the Cadbury Purple Bunny and eat that too......hmmmmmm

I did feel sick afterwards but it was of course too late.  In my defense....I just remembered....I had pb'ed my lunch and also my dinner and probaly spent most of both meals in the bathroom and both were particularly ugly and painful sessions.  In fact the dinner episodes....5 in all on top of the 3 at lunch...were almost more like full vomiting episodes.....and the chocolate went down like a relief. 

On Monday night, I ate this.....

yep the whole bag of about 6 Lindor eggs.....and Tuesday I got my (.).  Ok so perhaps that is some excuse as I usually do not crave chocolate except around TOM....but still!!!!!!  How bad do I feel.  On top of that I have been hardly eating anything and this is my week for a good loss which I have stuffed up by eating all that and drinking a few ...ok way more wines than neccessary.  And of course I had to replace all these things too.....$$$$$

So then comes last night...bad day at College, super tired and a little cranky too.  Get home ready to enjoy our 4 day Easter break and the wine is calling.....and then after a few wines I eat this

yep and then this

....I couldn't finish the purple one but fark.......

So I am feeling really bad and super off track these last 2 weeks with the chocolate after the gastro, the bad wine habits, all the pb's and now this week long binge on bunnies and eggs.  I did exercise twice this week but as if that counts now....and all when the MDBS challenge is on.

Am I sabotaging myself???  Possibly

Do I feel guilty....super super guilty and such a failure too.

The scales are about the same but who cares....I probably could have got down a fair bit this week.  I am not enjoying my food as after a few bites it usually feels stuck and that takes away the joy of the food.....it kinda all tastes stuck now and I so miss my vegies too....I mean a few bites of protein and I am done.

My family always have a birthday dinner and I am also starting to panic about mine in a few weeks as they are all going to notice how little I eat... big time.  I get to choose the meal but can't think of anything band friendly that I could eat more of to fool them....how many times can I use the unwell excuse????

Oh well, I really hope I can get my crap together again and not become a band statistic....you know the ones that put on weight or didn't lose anymore. 

I hate Easter......and my Birthday....and me......

Till next time

Sally xxx